Suppressing my story
It’s funny. Sometimes my story feels like a burden. Like a secret of a life of mistakes that I’m trying to hide in order to convince you that this newer, shinier version of myself is the original model. As I try to hide all the unpretty parts of my past, of who I was, what I did, or what happened to me, it just leaves me further wrought down by shame. Then I must try harder to pull myself up and move farther away from anything having to do with this past and convince you, better yet myself, that I am an entirely different person altogether. I began to resent my story… angry that my story sounded so sad and depressing. Criticizing different parts of it. Making me want to hide it all the more. Wishing I had a different story to tell.
But when we are transformed… when our lives and our souls are renewed… It is then we find this obligation gnawing at our souls to create beauty from the pain and the scars. A call that is dangerous to ignore. To allow others to see the humanness in me and therefore the greatness in God for how far He has brought me. Not that I am perfect now. Or that I was bad then. But to accept that there was beauty and humanity then, in the midst of imperfection, poor decisions, and harsh things in life that I cannot control, just as there is now. Not only do I do a disservice to myself, but to others, as I choose to hide and bury this past, that pain. Because it is through sharing our story, our trials turned to tribulation, that we are set free and allow God to begin a new work in someone else. Whether or not they share a similar experience, something in your unique story and your unique way of sharing it may resonate with them, giving them the key to begin to unlock their own freedom. So share my friend. Do not be ashamed. "For I am making all things new.” Revelations 21:5